he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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