They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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