she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
