nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
