just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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