I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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