Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
