his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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