I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
