no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
