i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
