so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
