the new term for farting is butt boxing.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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