Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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