How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
