the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
