Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
