You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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