There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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