Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
