Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
