I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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