when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
