i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
