i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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