i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
