i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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