dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
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