He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
