so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
