So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
one two three fourrrrnication!
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
