Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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