Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
