so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
