I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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