He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
