I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
