Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
