Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
