omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
