dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
