I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
