Your mouth is God's brothel.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
