I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
