Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
