Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
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