dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
that is very illegal...i love you.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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