tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
