I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
