so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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