I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
