im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
