you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
