I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Randomize
