so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
